scratching the surface
you thought i’d deserve this
closed all the curtains
and locked the door
day in day out
it must have been there somehow
i thought of the place where
i could not help but stare
over a lifetime
across the sky
day in day out
you must have been there somehow
when all is said and done
i’ll still lean on your love
i have been here all night
trying to reach you with my light
i have seen that you tried
finding the words to make it right
no life without dying
no walls without writing
have i accepted the pale picture?
i stare out my window
divide things by zero
i’d die for the feel though
all those days i
must have been wondering why
when all is said and done
i’ll still lean on your love
i have been here all night
trying to reach you with my light
i have seen that you tried
finding the words to make it right
may it be all you see
guides you along the way to me
this retreat is all you need
along with my words that still repeat


on the verge of the depression
in the depths of the despair
between the waves that shape the maelstrom
at the center of it all
i found land
where the water meets the sand
at last i seem to understand
on the edge of every breakdown
in the middle of the night
between the wonder and the heartache
at the end of every song
present joy
in spite of all the noise
it’s impossible to lose my voice
nothing is better than letting it in
swallow the mystery and find what it brings
from the deep end to birds flying high in the sky
the heart is still inside
on the contrary there’s sequence
in the scheme of understanding
between the infinite and dawning
at the start of time itself
there’s a love
and a gift for no applause
entering where we have lost
when i thought i hit the bottom
when i thought i had it all
i ran right into conclusion
got a planet to explore
shattered in the past
who would wanna live this fast?


noonday demon
sings me to sleep and
fevered me in love
i hear the dove
ringing in my ear
silencing my fears
clothing me in white
mirror the son’s light
my eyes are open
nothing to see here
words through the ceiling
summoning the lonely
thoughts on living
the sirens and the killing
outside vaguely i hear them
calling me by name
at times i don’t know where i’m going
staring blankly ahead or right into the sun
i’m blindfolded by my own ideas
still there’s a million different questions
that i should’ve asked
but i lost them when You touched me with
the sense in my head
there’s a place beyond my reason
where i’m feeling instead
where i’m in awe
speechlessly welcoming love
to tear me apart
to rapture my heart
and put the pieces back together
till i’ve got nothing
to be sad about
or any other doubt
that kept my feet on the floor
how could i have shut my door?

the unforeseen dream

off in the distance
there’s another storm
i can’t bear
i feel it coming
though it might come from
every day the cuts are getting deeper
still you can’t stop it
plucking feathers from your beautiful skin
blue like the sapphire
i feel the contrary to what you think
to every restless mind that i have known
i never thought i could be so alone
looking back i should never have
let it live for that long
next to the beat inside my heart
as if a kid of that age would know
the difference between letting go
and losing what he loves
surely you would not be naive
no not like i was
you’d carry on without it till the end
still i pray to you one more time
to reconcile
i’ll shut my eyes for all there is to see
oh my god
at last i understand that
you abolish every fear
after all these years
i’ve found out there is
truly no end to God’s love


from the moment i saw
there had been colours
painted under a sky
intensified by light
from the moment i’d walk
miles across the land
if i were to get lost
i knew i’d be guided by your hand
his lies were chasing me
oh what a snake it is
i would run to you
’cause your voice is true
telling me softly
i love you
i chose you
i can hold you here tonight
after a while
you’d be the culprit
since i knew i’d become
someone unfamiliarized
oh god i still sorrow
the way that i turned my back at you
how could i ever?
as you watched my fortress fall
i’m a disgrace
but you saw through my every flaw
how could i ever?
i must have lost myself in your love
the door is wide open
prepared you a room inside my house
i can finally slow down
with all i could find
within the boundaryless
love of my life

surrounded by the song

lover of my soul
you have shown your colours
lightening up the dark in my saddest hours
please just come again
i wash my hands in uncertainty
my sight is getting worse
i’m hardly listening
but every day my heart grows lighter
i am thankfully alive
sooner than later
i’ll be sure
but first things first
i wanna be with you and
tell my demons goodbye now
i’m swimming in a lake of stillness with her
you show me a way
you are never sleeping
everywhere i go
every breath i breathe in
always on my side you guide me
i have never felt so free
illuminating overcast
with one touch of your hand
they’re all made new again
and i know i can trust your spirit
he can do the same for me
not even the wolves could touch their prey
when you show up you give us all you’ve got yeah
you are our only savior jesus
shepherd of my soul
you have shown mercy to us all
your love is surreal i don’t know what to feel when
you conquer my heart and my whole being’s
struck with love
surrounded by your song
i used to be seated on the throne of my life
today i decided to give up my pride
so i retraced some steps that i took long ago
sent my regards to them, it’s over and done
oh jesus, please lead me wherever i go
i’m weak and i’m sure i can’t do this alone
why do i think about myself all the time
i’m stuck in this loop, i can not unwind
teach me what it’s like to be one of a kind
you’re one of a kind
there’s a paradox deep in the roots of the heart
like a flower it blooms after it’s torn apart
if i knew what it’d bring i’d try to embrace
situations i’m forced to depend on your grace
and if i should fall it’ll be in your arms
if i should break it’ll be for your cause
like the sun you’re the ending to my darkest hour
crashed into my heart like a waterfall
oh, your voice and then that call
i could see it all
i put the crown off my head
it’s now buried in sand
i can go on without it
there’s always an end
to the reign of a mask
on the face of a man
i decided to burn it
and now i feel cleansed
by a force indescribable, nothing compares
to what the love did with me, crying again
like a kid on the shoulders of his strong bold dad
i rose up again to see it all
from a viewpoint, oh, so tall
i could see it all

springs of joy

in you is the fountain
moving the mountains
parting the oceans
always in motion
the cost of redemption
paying the ransom
leaving me speechless
turning me inside out
all my springs of joy are in you
our eyes are on fire
burning desire
now all of creation
proclaim his salvation
it’s for the lord’s renown
it’s all for the lord’s renown
like rain and snow do not return
to heaven without watering
so is my word and it will not return
to me empty
so you go out in joy
and be led forth in peace
the mountains and the hills they burst
like beautiful songs before you

jonahs prayer

in my distress
i called to the lord
deep in the realm of the dead
you’ve spoken your word
when my life
was fading away
all i had left
rose to the temple
you threw me into water
the heart of the sea
and the current swirled around me
all your waves and breakers swept over me
still i
with shouts of grateful praise
will sacrifice myself to you
it spit jonah onto dry land
in the name of god

the stillness

recover now
the noise is fading
show me the candle
lit in the living room
sparrows fly by
as i roam through the valley
i made up my mind
you’re still inside my body
wherever i go
you are always beside me
i know
but sometimes i just want to wander off
fill up my lungs again
don’t you understand?
so how does it feel
to desperately hold on
despite all the tidal waves
sent from the heavens
that stillness that screams for its love
every word
but you already know everything about me
so i will never try to run away again
now i know love is my only way out of here
i felt the aftermath haunting me all those years
rays of a sun brighter than ever before
but shadows will backen when
you come and visit them

left out

burning like a firefly
warming all those
passing by
tell me if you really know
living in the afterglow
can you hear me?
somedays i feel like
i’m drowning again
remind myself you care about
the wreck i am
honestly i think i question a lot
though i’m sure you saved me
that should be enough
but can you hear me?
can you hear me?
i am weary

it’s all in vain

you can send me away
gloom my sight
shatter me
leave your scars and banish me
i’ve had enough of your lies
how you’re creeping in
dispirits me
but i will never become
who you want me to be
you can tempt me again
lead me into shades of lust or joy
but there’s someone else i am living for
lock me out of my home
haunt me every night and frighten me
i will still ignore every word you speak
of course i still cry
at times your work seems so unclear
and losing you is what i mostly fear
though i still hold on
to your promise that you’re close to me
that i’m your son and will always be
heaven come down
finish what you started
jesus my all
i can come to you in boldness
keeper i’m free
in your mercies overflowing

my confession

underneath the surface
i am drowning
i am aching
everything you say
is hurting
you’re a burden
it feels like i’m becoming
a remnant of your love
a counterpart
i’m losing my control
i’d never choose to live like this
my humility is wearing thin
if i wander off again
or ignore the things you said
should i ever fall apart
let me see your loving heart
you’ve shed your blood for me
and you actually care about a wreck like me
lamb of god
i confess at your feet
will you forgive me?


but can you hear me?
fragments of my life seem missing
days fly past i don’t feel at ease
numb but happy like the days
i spent in kananaskis’ fog
the grace of god
is more than i need
i’m still in a
different timezone
is it just me
or am i all alone here
living lives in different places
free from the million years my brain was empty
parting ways with torn up valleys no more planes or gates unopened

hebrews 4:13

8, 1, 2 remember singing
i could just be fantasizing
no i don’t regret that moment
i just wasn’t sure where you had gone
even in my darkest hour
nothing is beyond your power
even when i lose myself you
shift and shape to form my way back home
even when my sight gets blurry
colors fade and i still worry
keep in mind there’s more to living
stars awake the skies for his renown
ten or twenty minutes later
i could find myself relating
lord i need you woke me up
that night i knew the love had come inside
my room
you are never sleeping
so come you can wake me
distant voices on the street
shout back and forth but keep their secrets
hidden in their safety lockers
beauty at its finest put away
show me how you’ve come this far
your favorite moments and your scars
don’t be afraid to hide your true face
from his sight there’s nothing left to hide
everything’s uncovered and laid bare before his eyes so come here to find me

you are welcome

jesus i feel so senseless
i hardly think of your name
and even when i am struggling
you’re somehow the one i blame
‘cause still i don’t know if i figured you out
but i want to move on
i’m tired of waiting for
letters from heaven or signs in the sky
i want to be with you ‘cause then i’m alright
father i’ve got to tell you
i haven’t searched for a while
this planet is hard on my spirit
demanding and dragging me down
but i’m tired of making excuses again
i’ll tell the world wait for me
i’m off to find him ‘cause
i feel so sorry for breaking his heart
i ask once more desperately
can i restart?
no i won’t be silent for i have been saved
i’ll sing you a lovesong
the rest of my life will be
filled with a glorious love for your heart
you’re always beside me
and i won’t depart
but you said you can be yourself
i’ll never let go of you

forever in love

overwhelm my soul
every single day
reassure me god
there’s nothing left to say
when you softly embrace
this turbulence with calmness
when you show me what you have
done for me in my darkness
you can take my heart
repair it in your love
i’ll remember you
i can see reform by blessings from above
all that you’ve done
in your hands i can see the pain it cost to conquer
in your eyes i can a love so deep and i wonder
do i really deserve a place with you?
am i really allowed to look into the eyes of my maker pure as gold?
discover the beauty of your soul
there’s is no other god like you oh lord
you’ve captured my heart and made me whole
mijn god gij hebt mij op mijn klacht
genezen en mijn smart verzacht
ik zal met mijn hart en mond oh heer
steeds uw naam verhogen en uw eer

heavy hearts

we fill our hearts
we fill our hearts
with empty cups and empty shelves
can’t you feel the emptiness we live in?
we fill our hearts
fill up our hearts with
everything that once was lost
just say it you mean it i’m nothing without you
lover of my soul
i can’t control you i can’t force you
forever in my heart there’s music
forever in my heart you’re forever in my heart
i’ll fill up my heart
fill up my heart
with nothing else but what you are
i’ll find a way to make up for all my mistakes

the struggle

shouting words at me it’s endless
killing time in darkness
trying to escape
i know i’ll never find a way
i am the outsider
struggling to live my life in here
what if i’m not the only one?
do you still know everything about me?
i do believe your love is never ending
still it seems like no one ever knew me
but i hope i’ll somehow find a way
opening up my door
trying to build myself a home
someday i’ll find where i belong
i suppose the best is yet to come
i’ll bury all of my old self
just like everyone else

reveal yourself to me

father i need you show me
that you are worthy of my days
i won’t be in that place anymore
i never should’ve been there no
is it my heart that won’t listen
are there signs that i’m missing
i don’t feel it now
i am not sure anymore
if this music is binding my soul or is it you?
if it’s you
i am the one all on my own
i am the one all alone
the boundaries of your love
i doubt if they reach far enough
i hope that i am wrong
i’d never stand a chance
against the holy spirit’s glance
you look down on me
but your eyes i can’t see
i live, i keep living
until i die
be my keeper
complete me
be my keeper
speak again
keeper is there room for me there?


i keep telling myself
it’s a matter of time
that i will see your face
when i have opened eyes
and i still long
to feel something more
than what i do
who i do
and the ones that i adore
god almighty
i feel their eyes
stare at every step i take
friend of mine
stop telling me lies about my life
my past has shaped me this way
it’s not my blood
to fear your face
but will you carry the weight
will i return to you
will i return
when i’m down on my knees
when i’ve found my peace
you’re telling me: ‘you don’t have to worry’
i’m sorry

our father / reprise

our father
you are my heaven on earth
i will forever love you
your kingdom is coming
your will be done on this earth
as it is done in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive our countless sins
that we may learn
to forgive one another
replace the candles we lit
in our anxiety for darkness
father god you’re my kingdom come
you’re my life
my eternity
forever and ever
what does it even matter now
my questions left unanswered
i’ve got time to spend with you
and i am inside
i’m inside and i will stay here
i can stay here
as long as i want to
i can stay here
with you